"Won't you miss it?"

I have to be careful when I'm talking to people about eating something lately.

My Gastric Bypass surgery is just less than 3 weeks away now!

See - I am in a way, doing all these "farewell" acts of food crimes.

Large Blizzards.
All You Can Eat Pasta Bowls.
Bottomless Fries.

And while no one has said it to me yet - there is a little voice that pops up when I see expressions come across peoples faces when I talk about eating the last few weeks:

"Aren't you going to miss this?"

And the truth is - no.  Not really.
Like with any life style change, you have to make modifications to your daily habits.
More green - less fried.  More fiber - less fat.  And so on.

There is a great article that talks about the Top 10 Myths About Bariatric Surgery (HERE) that goes over common misconceptions of the surgery.  The one I want to highlight tonight is #8:

"Myth #8: After bariatric surgery, you won’t be able to eat anything that tastes good.

Patients who undergo gastric bypass may need to avoid very sweet foods because it can cause side effects like dizziness and nausea. Patients who have a duodenal switch typically need to keep fatty foods to a minimum. However, many patients can and do eat their favorite foods after they recover from surgery. They just eat very small portions. Even if you can’t eat whatever you used to like, you may find that WLS provides you with the ideal opportunity to experiment and find new foods to enjoy."

Watching my parents first hand go through this surgery, I can say without a doubt that while some items are no longer on their menu (my dad is unable to handle rice, for example) they still eat a lot of the same foods they did before. Just in smaller portions. Like someone would who was on a diet, or just trying to live healthier.


See - in my head, I *KNOW* what I need to do. I just haven't had the success I need to get to that goal weight. I have never weighed under 155 lbs since I was 14 years old. I have not seen single digits in clothing in my adult years (even at my lowest weight, I was still a 10/11).


I am being given a tool, and I plan on utilizing it to its fullest potential.
I am being given a new chance to really shine, and I plan on blinding you all.


So when I choose to have that doughnut with my breakfast sandwich in the next few days, it's not because I'm never going to eat a doughnut again (Tim Hortons and I are BFFs when I go to Canada -*Tim Hortons as mini doughnut holes - we are going to be best friends in about 6 months from now!). It's only because I know this will be the last time I can eat so poorly without my tool revolting against me ;-) And I am VERY okay with that.

Thanks for reading,


Nichole

Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

Breast Cancer Awareness Month - And (one big reason) Why I Relay ...

1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Breast Cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women.

Breast Cancer is the second leading cause of death among women.

Each year it is estimated that over 220,000 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer and more that 40,000 will die.
(That's 18% or about 1 in 5 diagnosed)(source)

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.
For me, Breast Cancer Awareness is something I try to keep on the forefront year round.

All cancer is scary.  All cancer is bad.
For me, Breast Cancer has almost claimed the lives of two of my most favorite people.

My Aunt Tanda, and My Close Friend Dawn.

Each has their own stories - their own journeys and battles.  Both are survivors,  and I am so grateful for that.

Breast Cancer is the most common cancer among women worldwide (source), so I am thankful that there is so much awareness surrounding it to help better educate women (and men).  Some may think it's a little overboard, but I think there can never be too much exposure for cancer and anything you can do to help prevent/cure it.

There are two big things I always tell people though about this month:

1) You are never too young to do a boob check!

Whether you go get your boobs pancaked in a monogram or you do an at home check, do it!  Early detection is key!!  Especially if you have a history of cancer in your family, get checked out!
According to The American Cancer Society, women 40 and over should have annual mammograms.  And women in their 20/30's should have a clinical breast exam every 3 years (source).  I do it about once a month, in the shower - and have them check at my annual appointment every year.  I never want to get the "it will never happen to me" mentality - so I check often (along with my skin for Melanoma - but that's another blog post for another day).

Here are some great sites to check out to perform a check at home:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/32094-check-yourself-breast-cancer/
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/guide/breast-self-exam

Ask your primary physician about scheduling a mammogram if you are 40 or over.  Or you can contact Planned Parenthood to see about scheduling a mammogram (Planned Parenthood Site)

2) While all this pink merchandise is GREAT and AWESOME to raise awareness ... check the facts on where that "portion of sales" is going.

It sucks - but some companies are quick to make a buck off of breast cancer awareness.  Whenever you see a product promoting itself as giving back, check to see which charity it lists.  If a charity is not listed right on the product, do some research!  A good site to use is Charity Watch.  You can look up charities by name, or by category.I'm not saying DON'T buy that pink scarf ... just be aware of where that money is going!

Cancer Sucks.

Thankfully research is getting better, and new treatments are coming out all the time.
I have hope that my daughter will grow up, and Cancer is only going to be a Zodiac Sign.

That Cancer is nothing more than a minor infection that can be treated and removed from the body.

Too many of my family and friends have been affected by cancer.

Aunt Tanda and Dawn are incredible, strong, beautiful women that I look up to.  They have endured a chapter in their lives, that no person should have to go through.  It is because of their strength and determination to kick cancer's ass, that I Relay For Life.

This is my third year doing Relay, and while we have switched over to a new city, the mission remains the same: Celebrate.  Remember.  Fight Back.

Through Awareness and Support, I wish to lift the spirits of those who are affected by Cancer.
Through Fundraising, I wish to help fund Research and Studies and find a cure for Cancer.

Through Relay For Life - I can do all these things.

Support your local Relay For Life, or any other Cancer Cause that touches you.

Together - we can make a difference!

I dedicate this post to my Aunt Tanda, My friend Dawn, and all the other Breast Cancer patients that either have won or lost their battles.  I will keep relaying because of you <3

Thank you for reading.

Nichole

Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

PS - I have set the bar high for myself this year, and want to raise $1,000 for my Relay For Life.  Anything and everything helps <3  Please donate to this amazing cause by going HERE

Support, love and understanding.

In the last few days I have seen and heard a huge amount of support for my decision.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, it is a decision that I mulled over for a long time and didn't come to easily.

Yet for every 9 positive remarks there is 1 negative. I knew this was a risk by sharing my journey with others. I still feel that sharing is the right choice though, as it is a way to keep me honest and on track. It also can prove to be educational and possibly motivating to someone else.

It is easy to let people and their comments get under your skin. I am guilty of this, and I am sure I will have more negative feedback (even from people I didn't expect to).

This is my journey. And at the end of the day it's not about the approval of others, but the acceptance of myself.

For years I have battled depression, insecurities and my body. I've put my mind, body and soul through enough. In the early part of 2014 I made the choice to begin repairing the damage 31 years had done to me. 

I went back on medications. I saw a counselor. I made peace with grudges and demons that held me back. My mind and soul aren't perfect but major strides have been made putting me in a better place.

Now it is time to work on my body. I am ready to face the challenges that lie ahead and take back my physical health. Surgery or no surgery,  it was not going to be easy. I just wanted to help aide in my success and saw how fantastic my parents felt after their surgeries. It was in April of 2014 I knew it would be the best choice for me. 

Now here we are in late September ... and just a month away I am ready to begin this new chapter. I am ready.

It would have not been so easy if it wasn't for the amazing outpour of support I have received. So thank you ... from the bottom of my heart. And to those who are still cautious about this or feel I'm taking the easy way out ... I understand where you're coming from. More than you know. I can only hope that through conversation and this blog I can help you better understand my reasons and situations.

I love me again,  and it is time to show my body I love her again too.

Time to take my health back!

Okay. While this hasn't been a secret I joked with people that I have told I wasn't going to make it Facebook official until I got a date. It is nothing I am ashamed of but I know there will be many with questions and concerns. Some even said that I shouldn't post it to FB for just that reason.

But you know what?  I want to better inform this who may have concerns I also want to show that this isn't a "quick and easy fix". It is a tool I am being given and I will still need to work at it for it to work.

Back in late April I made the decision to finally take more control over my health. After feeling defeated by diets and life style changes that just didn't quite work I went to my mom to discuss her Bypass Surgery.

She was very helpful in informing me all she had gone through. In 2011 she was given the tool to take back her health. She is now a size 4 and in amazing health. She is also now dealing with arthritis in her back.  Had she been heavier this may had been a terrible situation. Thankfully she is healthy and can work on managing her back. It isn't going to be easy but gosh I can't imagine her doing it at her weight 4 years ago.

I went through the steps and today I am excited to share I am going to have Gastric Bypass Surgery. I am being given a tool so when I do what I know what needs to be done ... it actually works.

I am excited to begin this new chapter that will make me healthier and happier.

Believe in the best

This is a mantra that is new to me, in the sense I have only been trying to abide by it for the last few years.

I don't remember when I first heard it, but it wasn't until a My Little Pony episode was on that I took real notice (yes, I watch MLP with my daughter ... and I am not ashamed to admit I like it just as much as she does.  I'm totally a Pinkie Pie).

Twilight Sparkles wrote a letter in one episode that talks about "believing in the best of your friends, for they have your best intentions in mind".

It is not just true with our friends - but with most people.  I apply this with everyone I come across anymore - innocent until proven guilty, you can say.

It was once I started to believe in the best in people, that some of my insecurities started to dissapate (not all of them are gone ... but we're working on it).

By believing that when someone told me something ... did something ... or even't DIDN'T do something ... it wasn't out of malice or rudeness.  They more than likely had your best interest in mind when they made their decision.

I try to keep an open line of communication, no matter whom it is, if there is any doubt that perhaps they did something that wasn't the best (at least in my mind).  By being open with my feelings, and believing in the best - my outlook on life has improved dramatically.

Now - I'm still human and fall back into old habits here and there ;-)  But thankfully those who know me, take it as just that - and know how I really am.

Try it - believe in the best of people.  You'd be amazed on how much better you feel in just a few days ...

Thanks for reading,

Nichole
*Be the Thermostat - Not the Thermometer

It is time!

Hello to all my readers (or people visiting)!

It has been a while.  And I apologize.

You know how much I actually miss writing in this blog?  A ton!

I still have no idea what direction this blog will take ... but the fact that I have all these ideas, topics, etc. that I want to share and then never do.  It's sad!

TODAY though, I made a consious choice to actively begin blogging again.

Part of it is to help reach my Relay goal (we are going to the Lake Steven's Relay this upcoming season, and I want to hit Grand Club)!

Part of it is to hold me accountable as I take steps in my newest journeys! (I'm vauge-blogging.  I know.  I'm sorry.  But I promise I'll tell you more when I know more!)

Mostly it's because I want a place to reflect ... share ... and perhaps be someone's ray of sunshine on that grey cloudy day.

In the past months of not posting here, a lot has changed!  I am happily married still (10 years now - woo hoo!), My children are growing up fast (TOO fast), and I am employed (a new employer, but nevertheless I have a job!)

Sometimes taking breaks from things we love is what is needed.  A time to charge your batteries ... get those juices flowing again ...

I'm looking forward to connecting with my readers once again as I write this new chapter in my life!  I am beyond the moon excited on where my life is headed.  Thanks for sticking around ;-)

An Open Letter

Dear family, friends, associates, and strangers,

I have not written in my blog for quite sometime.  Before I continue, I need to get something off my chest.

I have a confession to make: I hate not being in control.  I am sure that many of my friends and family are snickering as they read that last statement.

I have another confession to make:  I hate being drunk.  Not the "whee I'm having fun" tipsy drunk, but STUPID drunk.

My birthday was last weekend, and I have had this pit in my stomach all week over my behavior.  Many have just laughed it off, but others I can tell were turned off.  Even to the point, that walls are back up.

In my life, I try to to live without regrets.  The level of intoxication I had last week, was a regret.  I missed out on many fun things that could have happened.  Did other fun things happen instead? Sure.  There were some fun moments in there ... but some that I look back on and think "what the heck was I thinking".

So before I go any further with this letter, I want to tell those who were taken aback by my behavior: I am truly sorry.

I am especially sorry to those who I turned off with my rudeness and obnoxiousness.
I have met some extraordinary people in the recent years, and I would hate to jeopardize my relationships because of one night of stupid choices.  I am almost relieved those who did not get the notice about the bar change did not show up - so they did not see me in my rare form.  To those who did see me, thank you.  I appreciate you helping me celebrate (even if it was hard at points) my birthday.

I wish to reach out to hopefully a particular reader - if you're reading this ... I want to let you know that I am deeply sorry.  Not to get all sappy and crap, but I actually care about your opinion of me more than others.  More than people I have known for years.  In this short time, I have felt something that I haven't felt with many.  The ease of being able to just share my emotions and thoughts come easier when talking with you - it has helped me a great deal as I go through some of the roughest moments of my life.  I know you're guarded and unsure ... but I assure you that side of me you saw, will never come back out.  She was a reminder of what I don't want to be.  Obnoxious drunk Nikki is officially dead to me.

I'll be honest - am I done drinking?  No - of course not.  Because I know I am not this person that came out last weekend.  I am a responsible adult, who had a night of bad judgement (when it came to my drinking and limits).  I have shared bottles of wine and beer amongst friends and been fine.  I have had mixed beverages on a night out, and woken up the next morning just fine.

I am only human.  Being human means I am allowed to feel remorse and embarrassment.  This is how I feel, and being an adult I'm owning up to it and moving on.

This will be the last time I talk about this, and will only look forward to the future.

It's funny how God works sometimes - I'm tired of ignoring His signs, and my gut feelings.  It is time to grow, be successful and excel at this life given to me.

I thank each and everyone of you who has stuck by me through thick and thin - you are the reason why I am who I am today.  I will only be stronger because of my experiences.

I hope you'll continue to follow me as I continue on this crazy journey we call life.

Thank you again,

Nikki
Be The Thermostat | Not The Thermometer