2016 - New Year, New Blogs & Vlogs!

Hey everyone!

I've made a new Vlog as apart of my February Goal to be more active here on my Blog & my Vlog!

I need to get back into writing and sharing ... It's not only therapeutic, but also knowledgeable! If my words & journey affects 1 person ... Then I've accomplished what I set out to do!

Enjoy and look forward to more updates!

https://youtu.be/jgh0ezrUGrw

Nikki Fu In Progress 2.0 | New Vlog!

Hey everyone!

I have a new vlog!

Enjoy :-)

https://youtu.be/YDEX9m6Hk-4

The Reboot of Nikki 2.0!

It's been a long time!
There are plenty of reasons why my poor blog and its followers have not been updated.
I'm sorry for that.

However though, I am now ready to give you and this blog the attention it deserves!

In the last 9 months, I have come to realize just how much of an impact my journey has had on myself and others.  I'm not trying to sound conceded or prideful - far from it!  If anything, being so open about my weight loss surgery has made me more scared of failing.  However, it also has also shown me how many people out there are curious of the surgery.  It has also shown me just how many of us are hurting on the inside as well.

There has been so much love and support.  There has also been some disappointment and heart break, resulting in people pushing me away or leaving my life all together.  All of these emotions and situations, I anticipated.  The decision to have the surgery was not only to lose weight - but to reclaim my identity.

In a way, it was a selfish choice I made to get the Gastric Bypass Surgery.  The time leading up, and after, would require focus on my physical and mental health.  Restrictions ... Sacrifices ... Limitations ... ALL necessary for the greatest reward: My Life.  

A freedom from my addiction to food.  

Breaking out of my prison of negative self-worth views.  

I was taking control of this runaway train.

I had been killing myself.  Here I was, in my early 30's ... in my prime, and I was throwing away everything because I was so disgusted with myself.  I envied those who were my size or bigger who had so much love and confidence for themselves - I wished I could have had that for myself then.  I didn't though, and every time I tried I found myself falling harder than before.

When I made the decision to get the RNY - it wasn't so I could be a size 2, or to lose a bunch of weight.  It was so I could finally not be winded after a flight of stairs.  I would have been happy at a size 20 could I run a 5K without feeling like dying.

Once I went fully public about my journey, there were those who insisted I try to do it on my own.  Again.  I said it then, and I say it now: RNY is not a solution.  It is a Tool.
I had tried all those ways on my own ... even down to the very basic in/out approach (calories in - calories out).  

Yet my weight loss and physical health saw no significant changes.  I then would sabotage myself - my mental demons holding me down once more.

Through many appointments with many kinds of doctors ... I was approved to take this tool and get my life back.  Now, whatever I choose to do - it would WORK. And ... IT HAS.

But it's still work!  When I make poor food choices - my weight loss stalls, and I even gain. 

That's right - I have gained wait even after having the surgery.  

It's nothing to stop the presses for ... but it's humbling and a reminder of what I need to do.
When I miss a work out, my energy lags.
When I don't get enough sleep, my mind and body don't fully function.

Everyone's weight loss journey is different.
Everyone's life journey, is different.

I want to invite my readers into a place where judgement is checked at the door.  Where you can bare your emotions and gain knowledge for your own journey.

Welcome back, to Nikki 2.0 ... Upgraded ;-)

Plates

In recent years, health experts and even our own government has put out how our "plates" should look for each meal.

It is a good visual to help remind us how we should be having balanced meals, and what not to over do.

Yet many of us, while perhaps being careful with our physical plates laid before us, are not taking care of our personal plates.  Our mind, body and soul have plates that we need to keep balanced and healthy as well!

Too often we pile up on "empty" things. We over-commit and take on more than we can handle. Our plates more than not lack the fruits of life that our soul needs to be balanced.

Look at your personal plate right now - what would you see?

Do you see it balanced with life, love and happiness?  Work not overflowing onto your other areas ... family being as full as your leafy greens should be on your dinner plate ... constant running around doing errands as small as the butter on your roll ...

Our personal plates will never be perfect - life does happen.

Just remember not to fill up on the crap (toxic relationships, dead end jobs, no physical activity) and go for seconds on what makes your soul smile (more family nights, date nights, get together with friends).

Our personal plates are just as important as our physical plates.  <3


Thanks for reading,

Nichole
*Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer*

The basics to a dinner cupcake!

That's right. You read that right.

Cupcakes. For dinner.

Now, before you get excited I should clarify that these aren't your sugar laden delights that you normally get. These are portion controlled deliciousness that everyone in the family can enjoy.

Inspired by a pin I found on Pinterest a few years ago I have now gotten to a point where I can make a dinner cupcake just using my imagination!

(Credit for the inspirational pin goes to Emily Bites,  who posted a pin similar to this one. Emily Bites also had a bunch of other fun and delicious low cal/diet friendly recipies!)

To make any dinner cupcake, you will need wonton wrappers. They can be found in the refrigerated section of the grocery store (I find mine over by the yakisoba noodles and tofu products. Don't worry, they're not made from tofu!)

Otherwise, the only other item you'll need is a muffin pan (regular size - not minis or jumbo). The rest is up to your imagination! I try to follow the same formula: protein, fat and filler.

(Before I go further - fat is not all bad! It's all about moderation and the kind of fat. Plus these awesome cupcakes are portion controlled so the fat content isn't crazy.)

Let's just quickly break it down:

Protein: I try to get a meat in there like shredded chicken ... ground turkey ... even just as simple as pepperoni slices *if my filler is big, in example.  I used left over pulled Mexican pork for my dinner taco the other night. I will say this - I highly recommend you cook your meat first, or use pre cooked meat. The wonton may burn if you have to cook the meat along with the baking of the cupcake.

Fat: 9 out of 10 times, this is cheese for me. Something about melted cheese that makes me smile! (And my kids). If you have it on hand, laughing cow cheese works wonderful. Sometimes even mixing in the cheese with your meat works! (I did Buffalo Chicken ones for super bowl last year and mixed in cream cheese for baking. Then sprinkler blue cheese on top).

Filler: Not always necessary (i.e. my Buffalo Chicken cupcakes don't have a filler) but a nice touch if it feels right!  (I used beans in my Mexican pork ones the other night).

After you select your ingredients, comes the easy assembly. Pre heat your oven to 425 ... place 1 to 2 wonton wrappers down in a cup, creating a bowl. Fill with your meat, filler than fat. It does not have to be in that order per say ..  but I recommend the cheese being the top layer.  Then lay down two more wrappers, creating another bowl. Same step as before,  fill it up and it's ready to bake. Just stick it into your oven for 12 to 16 minutes (just keep an eye on them so the sides don't get TOO crispy!)

That's the gist of it! Pretty simple right :-)

You can make these however you like - Let your imagination run wild!

Garnish your cupcakes with fresh avocado, sour cream, ketchup! Whatever your heart desires.

When I made these on Sunday, I ate about 3/4 of mine (obviously not a whole lot of space).  Most adults will find two to three cupcakes does the trick!

This also makes great party food (just as I mentioned above I made some for Super Bowl last year).  Pair them with another side, like a soup or salad. Eat them alone as the main star.  The dinner cupcake has so many possibilities, you'll find yourself soon like me trying to experiment with new fillers and such ...

I guarantee your family will not be upset to act as your guinea pigs ;-)

I hope this helps, and if you have any questions please feel free to post them below!

Bon appetit!

Thanks for reading,

Nichole
*Be The Thermostat,  Not The Thermometer*

Journey

We are all on our own journeys.

Everyone's paths are shaped differently. Some roads are smooth. Some oceans are vast.

No vessel is built the same. Some are small, and others are large. Over time your mode of travel may break down. It will get a new paint job. It may just outright be traded in for a better fit in where you're headed.

The passengers and crew on your journey may remain constant. They could change as your environment does. Some will have many. Some will have none.

Your journey is your own, and it shapes who you will become. No ones journey is set, and the course can always be changed.

However, so many of us allow someone else to take our wheel. We allow this new captain to steer our thoughts and energy in a direction that we had not intended. They may make changes to your ship ... To your crew ... You may not even recognize it right away.

Don't let anyone take your wheel. Toxic or not, it is not their wheel to turn. It is not their journey to chart. It is not their story to write.

Own your journey. Take it back if another force has robbed you from it.

Take the wheel and look ahead at what is yet to come.

With every storm, your sails grow stronger. With every sunny day, your soul grows warmer.

One day your journey will end.  Embrace it. Own it. Live it.

The Macklemore Challenge

So I'm 2015 Josh and I have to make some big changes. The situation is not a forever thing, but nevertheless it will require major shifts in our daily lives and habits.

I have been going over everything to see what can be done, and what changes could be made to help out.

I then recalled reading a blog from a few years ago about another young lady who not only was looking to conserve a few dollars but also wanted to recycle/reuse as much as possible. She committed to buying pre-owned and 2nd hand for a year. I have always considered this challenge, and felt this may be the best time to do it.

So ... starting January 5th (I like starting things on Mondays), I am going to commit to my modified version of the thrift shop challenge. Hence the title ... The Macklemore Challenge.  I want to do it for 6 months ... and if I've done well, I'll extend it out!

It is a good thing for anyone who is looking to cut back, not add waste and such to the environment, and just is looking for the adventure of shopping 2nd hand!

Personally I love garage sales, Craigslist,  thrift shops, you name it! But now it's time to take it up a level.  Plus it will help my husband and I achieve our big goal!

Here are the ground rules I'm laying out for myself:

1) This applies to everything that is not food: clothes, furniture, cookware, toys.

2) Items can be purchased from just about anywhere considered 2nd hand: Online swap groups, thrift stores, garage sales, consignment shops and fairs, swap meets.

3) There are exclusions of what could be bought brand new:
a) Undergarments (this includes socks)
b) Swim wear
c) Athletic wear (Sorry I am not buying workout pants 2nd hand ... I know how much I sweat ... ew)
d) Hygiene items (Toothbrushes, Brushes, Etc)
e) Birthday presents (Although I will try to adhere to the challenge for people's birthdays it's not always going to be possible as sometimes certain items are requested)
f) Plastic ware (for the kitchen ... like sippy cups)
g) Sandals and athletic shoes (items like boots, heels,  etc. are apart of the challenge).

4) When I hit goal weight and maintain it for longer than 6 weeks (to ensure my body wants to stay there), I am allowed to go buy new clothes. (I am throwing this exception in there in the event it occurs during this 6 month challenge).

5) Items for upkeep of the home should be attempted to get at stores like Habitat For Humanity.  But if necessary for the house to function and a 2nd hand alternative is not found then being purchased new is okay.

It's actually pretty simple on paper,  and I'm excited to get creative (especially as my wardrobe keeps shrinking). I still have a lot of clothes to go through in the garage but in about 40 lbs I know I'll need to go shopping.

The Macklemore Challenge should help keep us on track, and curb any impulse shopping!  :-)

Let me know in the comments if you're a big 2nd hand shopping fan. Where do you find the best deals?

Thank you for reading!
Nichole

Setting up for success in 2015

2015 is going to be the best year yet.
However to achieve big goals and set into motion your dreams means you have to make sacrifices and choices.

Josh and I have to make some big changes in the next few months, and it made me realize I need to make a bigger plan.

I wanted to pass along some tips I've learned and been taught throughout the years to hopefully help you gear up for your best 2015!

1) Create a list of Goals and plans to achieve it.

I went to this seminar with my old work that showcased celebrities and inspirational speeches. Overall it was all right but one gentleman, an investor, stuck out to me.
He discussed how when you want to achieve your goal that like any skill you need to work at it.

Make the goal then make monthly, weekly and daily goals beneath it.

For example let's say you want to write a novel. The ultimate goal is to finish the novel. Let's say the monthly goal is to finish a chapter. The weekly goal is to write 10 pages and the daily goal is to write/work on the plot.

By breaking down your ultimate goal into smaller (and obtainable) goals, to feels easier to achieve.

2) Create a budget

No matter your goals, having a budget will help you keep on track (in turn,  your goal may be financially involved).

I am working on a separate blog  to discuss further regarding how to set up a budget. Once a budget us established, stick to it.

3) Share your plans and goals

Share your plans with close friends and family. Accountability will help keep you in line and on track to follow through.

If you're not comfortable sharing certain plans and goals with family and friends, join a support group to help you stay accountable. There are many options through websites such as meetup.com, Facebook, reddit and many others!

4 ) Be Realistic

You know yourself better than anyone else.
When making your plans and goals, don't set yourself up for failure by saying you'll lose 100 lbs in three months. Unless you had a weight loss surgery and are bigger, a goal like that is just not realistic and only sets you up for failure.

Look hard at your life, schedule and needs. You will need to make changes and adjustments to help achieve the goals you set for yourself, but it's also about recognizing what works for you and what does not.

5) Forgive!

Remember that you will slip up. Maybe you over spent on that last shopping trip. Or you gained a few pounds back.
Forgiveness is key in all success stories.

We learn our biggest lessons through mistakes. Dust yourself off and get back on track.

6) CELEBRATE!

When you hit your goals ... big or small ... don't be ashamed to celebrate. Whether it's just shouting it from the rooftop that you lost 5 lbs, or rewarding yourself with a new pair of shoes cause you finally finished a mile without stopping - you have to remember to congratulate yourself on sticking it out.

Just don't reward yourself with items that will set you back.  For example,  if your goal was to save a thousand dollars and you celebrate half way through ... it may not be wise to go on a shopping spree. Meet half way by going to Value Village and popping some tags ;-)

There are so many more tips and points I could share, but I feel these six are the most important and will really get you on your way.

Remember - the only thing standing in your way is you! Don't let your fears and insecurities be the reason why you don't try to fulfill your dreams.

Sometimes we're forced to make changes for the better (Doctor, Bills, Etc).  Other times we need to make changes so we can spread our wings and fly.

Listen to your inner voice, set a goal and write a plan.

Make 2015 be your best year yet ♡

I'm baaaaaack

I have been too quiet for too long :-)

Think of it like my recovery from surgery ... I needed 6 weeks for that, and in turn I needed 6 weeks from blogging ;-)

I hope to get more focused on my journey, my thoughts and other odds and ends :-)

My bypass went well! In the 7 weeks since surgery I am now down 53 lbs. I am eating most foods again (still iffy on breads and hard vegetables). I have slowly been working out as well.  My girlfriend and I are prepping for 5ks!

It had been truly amazing what the RNY has given back to me: my life. There is still so much more to do and go. I am so thankful for the support system I have.

I hope to share more with you for now on as well :-)

Take care and thank you for reading!

Nichole

Forgiveness

It is not always easy.
It is not always what you want to do.
Forgiveness though helps heal wounds, bring peace and restore sanity.

When you forgive, you allow your soul to move forward.
When you accept forgiveness, you allow yourself to accept the situation and grow.

Forgiveness comes in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes forgiveness isn't spoken out loud,  but rather with actions.

Don't hold onto anger ... don't stoop to levels beneath you.

Forgive. Breathe. Grow. Live.

The Reverse Bucket List

In light of my exciting journey to come ... I have been thinking about things I want to do as I lose weight and get healthy.

Think of it as a bucket list. I'm just not dying or going away (well my extra weight is!) As I lose weight and get closer to the goal I have things I wish to accomplish or aquire!

This list will be edited and updated as I go along but for now in no particular order:

- Run a 5K ... In a respectable time a runner would be proud of!

- Complete a 1/2 marathon
- Complete a full marathon

- Do the Rock and Roll Marathon (either half or full)
- Do the Las Vegas Marathon (either half or full)
- Go on a vintage shopping spree through somewhere like University District
- Go on a shopping spree at Alderwood, Bellevue Square or Southcenter

- Buy a Burberry Trench Coat ... I fell in love with them last year. When I hit goal that will be my reward to myself!
- Buy a super adorable fitness outfit!
- Wear heels as often as possible!
- Lead a fitness class.
- Start a weight loss support group that doesn't require fees or such ... A safe place to come and talk about anything. 

- Create or make twists to recipes.
- Stay more on top of this blog with updates, etc.
- Go on a fitness retreat.
- Spend a day/night at a spa (ahhhhh).
- Go to the park with the kiddos and run around longer than 5 minutes!

- Get a full makeover! Hair ... makeup ... something out of a movie!

- Learn and go snowboarding! 

More to come as I think of them :-)

Family Vacations & The Great Wolf Lodge!

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So - let's be honest.  Going on Family Vacations is expensive.  Even just a "quick camping trip" can run you a couple hundred dollars including food and gas.

I hope to do a blog segment later on how you can better save on your vacations (from tips I've done), but for now this blog is simple and sweet.

Josh and I have a few trips in mind we would like to take the kids on in the next five years.  Some big.  Some small.  One of them is the Great Wolf Lodge.  This will be a neat experience for both of us, as no one has been there before!  So not only will the kids experience it for the first time, so will mom and dad ;-)

One of my favorite blogs I follow, Queen Bee, is doing another Great Wolf Lodge Giveaway!  Follow this link, follow the instruction, and cross your fingers to win (as I'm crossing mine):Queen Bee Giveaway!

Of course while I wish you luck, I'm hoping to finally score a win on a giveaway so I can take the kids and hubby on this fun trip (would be a neat one to do later this winter after I've healed from surgery a bit).

Take care guys, and thanks for reading!

Nichole
~ Be The Thermostat, NOT The Thermometer~

The Last Night

Just over a year ago, I wrote a blog called "Today Is The Last Day"

And the message I was trying to send still rings true.  But today, as I re-read that blog ... it's hitting a little deeper tonight on the emotion scale.

Today truly is the last day for my way of living.

So long I have been a prisoner to myself.  My bad habits... my negative thoughts... my sedentary routine I have created for myself ...

I have made leaps and bounds when it comes to my way of thinking.  Now it is time to take those steps in my physical health.

I am not happy with how I've treated my body physically.  And while I know I have tried to take it back, it just never fully stuck.  Now a tool is being given to me (and for those who think Gastric Bypass is the easy way out, do yourself a favor and research a little bit.  It's far from the easy way out).  With this tool I am going to apply all I know I should (and want) to be doing!

I miss Paige and her Zumba classes!
I miss my evening walks!
I miss Sweatin' To The Oldies with Richard!

I want to play with my kids, and not be winded 5 minutes in.
I want to eat balanced, healthy meals ... and not feel hungry an hour later.
I want to care about my appearance again, and take care of myself.

Today really *IS* the last day I will be like this.
Tomorrow I begin my two week diet before surgery.  This means in 15 days, I'll be sitting here packing my hospital bag (and probably writing a sappy blog entry, ha ha).

I look forward to sharing this journey with you all ... and I hope to help give hope to someone who thinks they've tried everything and to give up.  Or if they feel WLS is them giving up.  It is not!  It is YOU saying "I give a damn about my health and future - and I want to be here for a LONG TIME!"

Tonight is the last night ... this chapter is finally coming to an end.
I am ready to begin writing my next great adventure.

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Thanks for reading!

Nichole

~Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer~

Dear Soda

My Beloved Soda,

You have been my friend for many years now.  You quench my thirst at all hours of the day … you blend so sweetly with our mutual friend Captain Morgan … you pair well with many of my meals.

Unfortunately, with your amazing taste comes not so amazing consequences for over-indulging.

Let’s come clean to each other – we know our relationship should be on a part time basis.
Parties … dinner dates … vacations … these are perfect times that we should be together.

I have let you join in on almost all aspects of my life.  Lunch. Dinner.  Most snacks. Sometimes even breakfast.
Sure, I justified by doing Diet it wasn’t as bad.  But who are we fooling, soda?

It was getting about time to break off our relationship anyway … but now it really must happen.  See, starting tomorrow I begin my pre-operation diet for my life-changing surgery.  Gastric Bypass is no walk in the park, so there can’t be any cheating during this two week diet.  If my liver doesn’t shrink enough, they will have to perform the surgery a much more difficult way.  After two c-sections, I am done with people opening me up!

Even after the procedure, my body will be sensitive and adapting to its new system.  For many months, my diet will be selective and chosen based on nutritional value/comfort on the pouch versus whatever is easiest/tastiest.  I know this is my choice and I am doing this to myself, but I am doing this to SAVE myself.  Soda, you are an enabler to my unhealthy life style …

It is time we see other people.

I am enjoying our last day together.
It’s not you – it’s me.  Well, it is you … and me.
You’re high in sugar and calories.  Your diet blend is addictive (to me, at least) and some days has outright replaced water (which is never good).

I wish you nothing but the best.
I am not writing you off forever.  Yet I know if we should ever cross paths again, it will be a very long time from now - and even if I try you again, you will be so far and few between.

Thank you for being my comfort, but I’m ready to take my life back (even if that means giving up you).

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Sincerely,

Nichole

Honest Reviews - Isopure

I thought a fun new segment in my blog would be to do reviews.  I have come into late tons of new ventures and products, so I wanted to share back out to my readers what I thought of them.

In this post, I will give the Honest Review of:

Isopure Zero Carb Protein Drink

With my upcoming weight loss surgery, I will be living on liquids and had read in some support groups how much they enjoyed this one.

On my lunch I went up to a local supplement store to scope out some protein powders and came across a bottle.  I selected the Alpine Punch, as their only other option was Apple Melon.  According to their website, they do have other flavors available (Passion Fruit, Pineapple Orange Banana, Icy Orange, Grape Frost, Blue Raspberry, and Mango Peach).

The cost after tax was just over $3.50 – it is a little pricy for just one drink, but if it was a meal replacement or supplement of sorts I could justify the cost (cheaper than a Starbucks fully loaded with sugar too).  From what I researched online, this is the median price.  Through Amazon it was closer to $5.50 a bottle (!!!!!!) but on sale at GNC for $2.50 (now that’s a price that appeals to my frugal nature).

So let’s break down the nutritional facts:

No carbs/sugar.
40 grams of protein (second ingredient on the bottle is Ion Exchange Whey [Milk] Protein Isolate).
No Aspartame.
No Preservatives.
Gluten Free.
160 calories per 20 oz. bottle.
Fat Free.
80mg of Sodium.
45mg of Potassium.
6% of your Calcium needs per 20 oz. bottle.

It seems almost too good to be true.  A fruity punch with no fat, sugar or carbs.  No Preservatives.  Little calories (compared to soda or fully-loaded sports drinks).  I was pretty skeptical …

Then I tried it.  I had my friend Danielle drink some too, to make sure a true opinion was formed.

The flavor wasn’t bad!  I was very impressed … very much like a Crystal Light, but maybe a little more watered down.  There was an after taste, but similar to an after taste you’d have from a protein heavy shake.  And the after taste went away after a bit too.  Danielle felt the same way about it tasting good and the after taste – but nothing that would turn you off from drinking this.

It even tasted sweet!  This is what surprised me the most, so I went to read the rest of the ingredients:

Ingredients: Filter water, Ion exchange whey (milk) protein isolate, natural and artificial flavors, sucralose, polysorbate 80 (According to the Google results, “polysorbate 80 is a nonionic surfactant and emulsifier”), phosphoric acid (According to the Google results, “phosphoric acid is a mineral acid having the chemical formula H₃PO₄. Orthophosphoric acid molecules can combine with themselves to form a variety of compounds which are also referred to as phosphoric acids, but in a more general way”), FD&C red 40 (According to Google results, “Allura Red AC is a red azo dye that goes by several names including: Allura Red, Food Red 17, C.I. 16035, FD&C Red 40, E129, 2-naphthalenesulfonic acid, 6-hydroxy-5--, disodium salt, and disodium 6-hydroxy-5--2-naphthalenesulfonate”)

I liked that for the most part, there was very little ingredients!
However, I already know that my friends and readers who are not a fan of additives like Red 40, etc. will be turned off by this drink.  Me personally I am no bothered by this, so this drink is on my good side!

It took me a while to finish my drink.  As light as it was, it kept me full – which will be perfect for post-surgery (and even beyond).  I thought how fun this may even be frozen into a popsicle tray!

VERDICT

Overall on a scale of 1 to 5 slurps – 5 slurps being “AMMMMMAZING”

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And 1 being “EW!”

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I give this a 3.5 – I would want to try other flavors to see if it held up as well when it came to taste.  The Punch though gets a strong 3.5 from me, and I look forward to adding a few into my post-surgery diet (maybe I’ll freeze one for Thanksgiving dinner … lol).

What do you think of this drink, if you’ve already tried it?  Or are you interested now that you’ve read my review?  Come back to chime in once you do try it!  Got any other suggestions as alternatives as well?

To check out more products or information on Isopure Protein Drink, visit their site.

Looking forward to sharing more brutally honest reviews with you in the future!

Thanks for reading!

Nichole
Be The Thermostat – NOT The Thermometer!

PS - Unless I state it, I am not Paid or Compensated by anyone when I do these reviews.  I will give proper kudos and such to those who maybe pass along products for me to try or review :-) In most cases though, it's just me wanting to give a brutally honest review!

Anger

Anger is an ugly and powerful emotion.

It twists us and drives even the kindest person to poor choices and behavior.

Drunk off jealousy, the brightest of stars fade into blackness.

Fueled by hate, the sweetest of flowers wilt.

Anger steals our inner peace and replaces it with an emptiness that cannot be filled.

Bitterness and resentment steer the ship while anger fuels the engine.

No end in sight - the captain loses control.

It isn't until the anchor of forgiveness is found and thrown overboard.

The ride screeches to a halt. It takes a moment for clarity to set in.

Warmth returns ... hope restored.

Time will heal the wounds but scars will forever remain.

Love and understanding is Anger's enemy.

Where anger blinds, love restores.
Where hate devours, compassion replenishes.

Extinguish Anger and Replace with Love.
Be the anchor and light for someone's runaway train.

Love. Not hate.

"Won't you miss it?"

I have to be careful when I'm talking to people about eating something lately.

My Gastric Bypass surgery is just less than 3 weeks away now!

See - I am in a way, doing all these "farewell" acts of food crimes.

Large Blizzards.
All You Can Eat Pasta Bowls.
Bottomless Fries.

And while no one has said it to me yet - there is a little voice that pops up when I see expressions come across peoples faces when I talk about eating the last few weeks:

"Aren't you going to miss this?"

And the truth is - no.  Not really.
Like with any life style change, you have to make modifications to your daily habits.
More green - less fried.  More fiber - less fat.  And so on.

There is a great article that talks about the Top 10 Myths About Bariatric Surgery (HERE) that goes over common misconceptions of the surgery.  The one I want to highlight tonight is #8:

"Myth #8: After bariatric surgery, you won’t be able to eat anything that tastes good.

Patients who undergo gastric bypass may need to avoid very sweet foods because it can cause side effects like dizziness and nausea. Patients who have a duodenal switch typically need to keep fatty foods to a minimum. However, many patients can and do eat their favorite foods after they recover from surgery. They just eat very small portions. Even if you can’t eat whatever you used to like, you may find that WLS provides you with the ideal opportunity to experiment and find new foods to enjoy."

Watching my parents first hand go through this surgery, I can say without a doubt that while some items are no longer on their menu (my dad is unable to handle rice, for example) they still eat a lot of the same foods they did before. Just in smaller portions. Like someone would who was on a diet, or just trying to live healthier.


See - in my head, I *KNOW* what I need to do. I just haven't had the success I need to get to that goal weight. I have never weighed under 155 lbs since I was 14 years old. I have not seen single digits in clothing in my adult years (even at my lowest weight, I was still a 10/11).


I am being given a tool, and I plan on utilizing it to its fullest potential.
I am being given a new chance to really shine, and I plan on blinding you all.


So when I choose to have that doughnut with my breakfast sandwich in the next few days, it's not because I'm never going to eat a doughnut again (Tim Hortons and I are BFFs when I go to Canada -*Tim Hortons as mini doughnut holes - we are going to be best friends in about 6 months from now!). It's only because I know this will be the last time I can eat so poorly without my tool revolting against me ;-) And I am VERY okay with that.

Thanks for reading,


Nichole

Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

Breast Cancer Awareness Month - And (one big reason) Why I Relay ...

1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Breast Cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women.

Breast Cancer is the second leading cause of death among women.

Each year it is estimated that over 220,000 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer and more that 40,000 will die.
(That's 18% or about 1 in 5 diagnosed)(source)

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.
For me, Breast Cancer Awareness is something I try to keep on the forefront year round.

All cancer is scary.  All cancer is bad.
For me, Breast Cancer has almost claimed the lives of two of my most favorite people.

My Aunt Tanda, and My Close Friend Dawn.

Each has their own stories - their own journeys and battles.  Both are survivors,  and I am so grateful for that.

Breast Cancer is the most common cancer among women worldwide (source), so I am thankful that there is so much awareness surrounding it to help better educate women (and men).  Some may think it's a little overboard, but I think there can never be too much exposure for cancer and anything you can do to help prevent/cure it.

There are two big things I always tell people though about this month:

1) You are never too young to do a boob check!

Whether you go get your boobs pancaked in a monogram or you do an at home check, do it!  Early detection is key!!  Especially if you have a history of cancer in your family, get checked out!
According to The American Cancer Society, women 40 and over should have annual mammograms.  And women in their 20/30's should have a clinical breast exam every 3 years (source).  I do it about once a month, in the shower - and have them check at my annual appointment every year.  I never want to get the "it will never happen to me" mentality - so I check often (along with my skin for Melanoma - but that's another blog post for another day).

Here are some great sites to check out to perform a check at home:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/32094-check-yourself-breast-cancer/
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/guide/breast-self-exam

Ask your primary physician about scheduling a mammogram if you are 40 or over.  Or you can contact Planned Parenthood to see about scheduling a mammogram (Planned Parenthood Site)

2) While all this pink merchandise is GREAT and AWESOME to raise awareness ... check the facts on where that "portion of sales" is going.

It sucks - but some companies are quick to make a buck off of breast cancer awareness.  Whenever you see a product promoting itself as giving back, check to see which charity it lists.  If a charity is not listed right on the product, do some research!  A good site to use is Charity Watch.  You can look up charities by name, or by category.I'm not saying DON'T buy that pink scarf ... just be aware of where that money is going!

Cancer Sucks.

Thankfully research is getting better, and new treatments are coming out all the time.
I have hope that my daughter will grow up, and Cancer is only going to be a Zodiac Sign.

That Cancer is nothing more than a minor infection that can be treated and removed from the body.

Too many of my family and friends have been affected by cancer.

Aunt Tanda and Dawn are incredible, strong, beautiful women that I look up to.  They have endured a chapter in their lives, that no person should have to go through.  It is because of their strength and determination to kick cancer's ass, that I Relay For Life.

This is my third year doing Relay, and while we have switched over to a new city, the mission remains the same: Celebrate.  Remember.  Fight Back.

Through Awareness and Support, I wish to lift the spirits of those who are affected by Cancer.
Through Fundraising, I wish to help fund Research and Studies and find a cure for Cancer.

Through Relay For Life - I can do all these things.

Support your local Relay For Life, or any other Cancer Cause that touches you.

Together - we can make a difference!

I dedicate this post to my Aunt Tanda, My friend Dawn, and all the other Breast Cancer patients that either have won or lost their battles.  I will keep relaying because of you <3

Thank you for reading.

Nichole

Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

PS - I have set the bar high for myself this year, and want to raise $1,000 for my Relay For Life.  Anything and everything helps <3  Please donate to this amazing cause by going HERE

Support, love and understanding.

In the last few days I have seen and heard a huge amount of support for my decision.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, it is a decision that I mulled over for a long time and didn't come to easily.

Yet for every 9 positive remarks there is 1 negative. I knew this was a risk by sharing my journey with others. I still feel that sharing is the right choice though, as it is a way to keep me honest and on track. It also can prove to be educational and possibly motivating to someone else.

It is easy to let people and their comments get under your skin. I am guilty of this, and I am sure I will have more negative feedback (even from people I didn't expect to).

This is my journey. And at the end of the day it's not about the approval of others, but the acceptance of myself.

For years I have battled depression, insecurities and my body. I've put my mind, body and soul through enough. In the early part of 2014 I made the choice to begin repairing the damage 31 years had done to me. 

I went back on medications. I saw a counselor. I made peace with grudges and demons that held me back. My mind and soul aren't perfect but major strides have been made putting me in a better place.

Now it is time to work on my body. I am ready to face the challenges that lie ahead and take back my physical health. Surgery or no surgery,  it was not going to be easy. I just wanted to help aide in my success and saw how fantastic my parents felt after their surgeries. It was in April of 2014 I knew it would be the best choice for me. 

Now here we are in late September ... and just a month away I am ready to begin this new chapter. I am ready.

It would have not been so easy if it wasn't for the amazing outpour of support I have received. So thank you ... from the bottom of my heart. And to those who are still cautious about this or feel I'm taking the easy way out ... I understand where you're coming from. More than you know. I can only hope that through conversation and this blog I can help you better understand my reasons and situations.

I love me again,  and it is time to show my body I love her again too.

Time to take my health back!

Okay. While this hasn't been a secret I joked with people that I have told I wasn't going to make it Facebook official until I got a date. It is nothing I am ashamed of but I know there will be many with questions and concerns. Some even said that I shouldn't post it to FB for just that reason.

But you know what?  I want to better inform this who may have concerns I also want to show that this isn't a "quick and easy fix". It is a tool I am being given and I will still need to work at it for it to work.

Back in late April I made the decision to finally take more control over my health. After feeling defeated by diets and life style changes that just didn't quite work I went to my mom to discuss her Bypass Surgery.

She was very helpful in informing me all she had gone through. In 2011 she was given the tool to take back her health. She is now a size 4 and in amazing health. She is also now dealing with arthritis in her back.  Had she been heavier this may had been a terrible situation. Thankfully she is healthy and can work on managing her back. It isn't going to be easy but gosh I can't imagine her doing it at her weight 4 years ago.

I went through the steps and today I am excited to share I am going to have Gastric Bypass Surgery. I am being given a tool so when I do what I know what needs to be done ... it actually works.

I am excited to begin this new chapter that will make me healthier and happier.