The Last Night

Just over a year ago, I wrote a blog called "Today Is The Last Day"

And the message I was trying to send still rings true.  But today, as I re-read that blog ... it's hitting a little deeper tonight on the emotion scale.

Today truly is the last day for my way of living.

So long I have been a prisoner to myself.  My bad habits... my negative thoughts... my sedentary routine I have created for myself ...

I have made leaps and bounds when it comes to my way of thinking.  Now it is time to take those steps in my physical health.

I am not happy with how I've treated my body physically.  And while I know I have tried to take it back, it just never fully stuck.  Now a tool is being given to me (and for those who think Gastric Bypass is the easy way out, do yourself a favor and research a little bit.  It's far from the easy way out).  With this tool I am going to apply all I know I should (and want) to be doing!

I miss Paige and her Zumba classes!
I miss my evening walks!
I miss Sweatin' To The Oldies with Richard!

I want to play with my kids, and not be winded 5 minutes in.
I want to eat balanced, healthy meals ... and not feel hungry an hour later.
I want to care about my appearance again, and take care of myself.

Today really *IS* the last day I will be like this.
Tomorrow I begin my two week diet before surgery.  This means in 15 days, I'll be sitting here packing my hospital bag (and probably writing a sappy blog entry, ha ha).

I look forward to sharing this journey with you all ... and I hope to help give hope to someone who thinks they've tried everything and to give up.  Or if they feel WLS is them giving up.  It is not!  It is YOU saying "I give a damn about my health and future - and I want to be here for a LONG TIME!"

Tonight is the last night ... this chapter is finally coming to an end.
I am ready to begin writing my next great adventure.

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Thanks for reading!

Nichole

~Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer~

Dear Food - Why Can't I Quit You?

The obvious answer is: "Duh, you'd die with me".
I get it, food.  Without you, my body would eventually die.

What I have always struggled with, is my relationship with food.

As a pre-teen, I turned to food for comfort when I was teased relentlessly in 5th grade.  I turned to food when I was happy.  When I was mad.  Sad.  And so on ...

Now, since having children, I find myself more of a stress eater than I ever was before.  This could also be a direct coralation between quitting smoking and replacing one bad habit with another.

This is another problem I face: I KNOW what I'm doing wrong.  I know what I should be eating (1500 calories a day, since I work out, made up of complex carbs ... healthy fats ... protein ... etc.).  I know I should avoid sugar, empty foods, etc.  I preach this to everyone I know.  People come to me for advice about it.  It's not to say I'm losing weight, it's just slow as frack thanks to my constant set-backs.

I had a light bulb go off the other day ...

It doesn't take a scientist to figure it out - but our bodies are like machines.
We feed it crap - it runs like crap.
With this mentality, I need to view FUELING my body versus just EATING my feelings.

Again, not rocket science here.  Yet, it felt like my "aha" moment I needed.
Have I magically turned things around since this moment.  NO.  However, before anything goes into my mouth, I ask "Food or Fuel?"

Sometimes my emotions/stress still wins ... but the battle is getting easier.

I really can't wait until after my Vegas vacation in two weeks.  I plan on jolting my body with the jump-start it needs (no serious fasting or anything crazy like that - just a restricted diet for a few days to get the crap out that I'm sure will be floating around from Vegas!)

What struggles do you have with your eating and diet?  Are you an emotional eater or a stress eater?
I have also promised not to beat myself as hard anymore when I do slip ... this helps me not become so emotional, and thus restart the cycle of bad food decision making.


I look forward to hearing from you, my lovely readers, your thoughts.

~ Be The Thermostat, Not The Thermometer ~

Nikki