Dear family, friends, associates, and strangers,
I have not written in my blog for quite sometime. Before I continue, I need to get something off my chest.
I have a confession to make: I hate not being in control. I am sure that many of my friends and family are snickering as they read that last statement.
I have another confession to make: I hate being drunk. Not the "whee I'm having fun" tipsy drunk, but STUPID drunk.
My birthday was last weekend, and I have had this pit in my stomach all week over my behavior. Many have just laughed it off, but others I can tell were turned off. Even to the point, that walls are back up.
In my life, I try to to live without regrets. The level of intoxication I had last week, was a regret. I missed out on many fun things that could have happened. Did other fun things happen instead? Sure. There were some fun moments in there ... but some that I look back on and think "what the heck was I thinking".
So before I go any further with this letter, I want to tell those who were taken aback by my behavior: I am truly sorry.
I am especially sorry to those who I turned off with my rudeness and obnoxiousness.
I have met some extraordinary people in the recent years, and I would hate to jeopardize my relationships because of one night of stupid choices. I am almost relieved those who did not get the notice about the bar change did not show up - so they did not see me in my rare form. To those who did see me, thank you. I appreciate you helping me celebrate (even if it was hard at points) my birthday.
I wish to reach out to hopefully a particular reader - if you're reading this ... I want to let you know that I am deeply sorry. Not to get all sappy and crap, but I actually care about your opinion of me more than others. More than people I have known for years. In this short time, I have felt something that I haven't felt with many. The ease of being able to just share my emotions and thoughts come easier when talking with you - it has helped me a great deal as I go through some of the roughest moments of my life. I know you're guarded and unsure ... but I assure you that side of me you saw, will never come back out. She was a reminder of what I don't want to be. Obnoxious drunk Nikki is officially dead to me.
I'll be honest - am I done drinking? No - of course not. Because I know I am not this person that came out last weekend. I am a responsible adult, who had a night of bad judgement (when it came to my drinking and limits). I have shared bottles of wine and beer amongst friends and been fine. I have had mixed beverages on a night out, and woken up the next morning just fine.
I am only human. Being human means I am allowed to feel remorse and embarrassment. This is how I feel, and being an adult I'm owning up to it and moving on.
This will be the last time I talk about this, and will only look forward to the future.
It's funny how God works sometimes - I'm tired of ignoring His signs, and my gut feelings. It is time to grow, be successful and excel at this life given to me.
I thank each and everyone of you who has stuck by me through thick and thin - you are the reason why I am who I am today. I will only be stronger because of my experiences.
I hope you'll continue to follow me as I continue on this crazy journey we call life.
Thank you again,
Nikki
Be The Thermostat | Not The Thermometer
