Thankful

First - my apologies for not posting more.  Life has definitely gotten crazy with school and work, that things have fallen off my plate.  Including posting here.  I intend to not neglect my poor blog for so long again.

However I wanted to share my thoughts on an upcoming social media tradition of mine that I snagged off a friend many years ago.

Every November many friends also pledge to do the same.
Every November many friends argue that we don't do this enough, and it's silly to dedicate a month for it.

I'm talking about, through social media, giving thanks daily in November.

The argument I hear, is that we should be giving thanks everyday.  That just because it's November it shouldn't be the reason to all of a sudden give thanks.

What I would like to point out, at least in my own defense, is that just because I'm not on a public platform (like Facebook) giving thanks does not mean I am thankful daily!
I give thanks in my daily prayers.
I give thanks in person.
I give thanks via message or text.

I feel that dedicating November to go out of my way to post a status regarding my thanks to something (or someone) helps raise awareness that we should be thankful for someone (or something) in our lives.  Many of us don't think about all we have, and be thankful for it.  Whether you thank God, or Buddha, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Many of you have a roof over your head.  Many of you did not go hungry tonight.  Many of you are in decent health.

Many cannot say this for themselves tonight.

So remember to be thankful each day.  Thank a friend for their support.  Thank a relative for their love.  Thank a stranger for holding the door open.  Thank Jesus (or whomever you may believe in, if you do) for the food on your plate.

And don't be so quick to judge that people, like myself, all of a sudden start posting daily their "thankful's" on Facebook.  That person is just now sharing with you, the world, what they would have already been thanking for that day.

Thanks for reading,

Nichole
~ Be the Thermostat - Not the Thermometer ~

P.S. "Thankful's" <- Totally a word now ... you heard it here first, folks ;-)

"You're Welcome"

This phrase doesn't come easily for me.

When thanked for helping out, or being given praise for a job well done - my gut reaction is to respond with:

"No Problem!"

I'm not very good at taking praise.

My boss narks on me all the time about it.  Reminding me to take pride in what I'm doing, and to accept the thank you.  Maybe because in my mind, it's just the "normal" thing to do.  Like, why would I not help you out and make that phone call for you?  Or why would I not put in 110% of my effort into this report - it's my job, and I take my job seriously.

I view this as a weakness - not because I'm "too nice" (which I am) or because I'm a pushover (which I'm not, most of the time).  It's because what I'm beginning to learn is that you need to gloat.  You need to stretch out your arms and go "YES, I DID THIS PIE CHART.  AND IT IS AMAZING.  THANK YOU FOR THANKING ME!"

Okay, perhaps *not* quite that dramatic.
I believe being humble is good ... but allowing people to pat you on the back is necessary.  It reminds you that you're doing a great job.  That you're an awesome person.  And reassurance that you're doing the right thing.

Part of this derives from some confidence issues (People who know me, and read that are probably gasping - yes, I have some serious issues with my image and how I'm received.  No this will not stop me from being who I am, and the social butterfly that is my persona.  But I still will battle the doubts and negative thoughts that plague me from my teen years.)  It is all a work in progress, which I feel as each day passes it improves.

So, if you're like me, and next time someone says "Thank You" - remember that it's okay to say:

"You're Welcome"

And leave it at that.

Thanks for reading.
Nikki
~Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer~

The Nikki Fu Experiment: Daily / Weekly Update

Hello everyone!

I hope every has had a good week.

It's time for another update!

Let's start with the daily goals:

1) King, Queen, Pauper Approach to meals.  The idea was to eat like a King for breakfast ... like a Queen for lunch ... and a Pauper for dinner.
I tried this approach.
And it didn't stick beyond a few days.

Rather than eat a big meal for breakfast, I sought out balance (making sure I had fruit and some protein) and carbs (energy) for my morning meal.  Lunch tended to be bigger than dinner.  Dinner was balanced/moderate. 

The idea isn't a bad one ... just wasn't for me.  What it did teach me though, is not to go super heavy on dinner.  The nights I did, I felt sluggish and "blah".  I liked having a bigger lunch, too, because it really got me through my afternoon (with a snack pick-me-up).

2) Drink Green Tea every day.  The idea is that green tea is supposed to help your metabolism and therefore burn calories.
I bet if I had invested more into this, and drank more than a cup a day (when I remembered) - it would work.  However, I didn't drink it as often as I should.  I really enjoyed it when I did, though.  So this idea I'll keep as apart of my daily routine (when I remember - ha, ha!)

Daily goals for this upcoming week:

1) Limit my time on the computer.
Let's face it - our asses are getting flatter as we become more technologically advanced.  I am a major advocate of social media and the good it does.  However, social media is also bad (ha, ha).  It can be abused for over-sharing (guilty), over-analyzing (guilty) and well ... distracting from more important duties at task (VERY guilty).  Just I do with the kids, I need to limit a screen in front of my face.
With that being said, I am limiting myself to 30 minutes of social media in the morning, and 30 minutes at night.  The exception to this is: Email, School, Work, Blog.  Obviously.  This is going to be especially hard for me with Relay and the Biggest Loser 5K coming up Sunday.  HOWEVER, I need to disconnect a little bit.  I feel my body and ass getting squishier as each minute passes me sitting in a chair doing homework, work, etc.

2) NO caffeine after 4 PM (except on Friday/Saturday)
I am not quite ready to give up soda.  I know, I know ... it's bad.  Especially the diet stuff (my favorite).  I have read how it can help with your sleep pattern to cut out caffeine after a certain point.  I do need to make it past 8:30 p.m. most nights ... but I do notice that having a diet coke (or coke zero) with my dinner does impact how easily I fall asleep.  I hope to do some evening workouts, and gain energy there to get me to 10-11 p.m.


Now let's review my weekly goals (since we're in week 2):

1) Do 30 minutes of cardio, 5 times a week PLUS 2 days of weight lifting/resistance training.
Annnnnnnnnnnd I bombed (lol).
I did work out.  I did not do any weight lifting/resistance training.  I will be keeping this goal, as it's something I strive for!

2) Have a meatless dinner once a week.
Josh was thrilled that I did not hit this goal.  However, I did go meatless during a couple breakfasts (small victories, right?)
I still want to try this ... but I think it's getting shelved for the time being.

3) Read from a non-school related book 3x a week.
This one, I actually did.  And I loved.  Shamelessly, I have finished two of the three books in the "50 Shades" series.  I also read a magazine!  I loved every minute of this, and plan on keeping this one (even more now with limiting my computer time).


The next two week's weekly goals will be:

1) Do 30 minutes of cardio, 5 times a week PLUS 2 days of weight lifting/resistance training.
Since I didn't hit this goal like I wanted to, I wanted to try at it again.

2) Have a dessert every day.
This seems like a weird one, I know.  We need to remember that treating ourselves is a good thing.  Desserts is highly encouraged in a lot of diet plans I read ... and even the whole "glass of wine, once a day" is mentioned a bit.  Originally I was going to make my goal "drink a glass of wine, a day", but with my weight watcher plan I knew that could be more points than I could afford each night.  So instead, I wanted to pick and choose my dessert.  I am sure there will be wine when possible.

It was a really weird week.
I haven't been able to put words yet to how I felt through it all - but it no doubt influenced how I approached my goals.

Another mini-goal of mine, is not to be so influenced by stress and others when it comes to my well being.  I am so easily impacted, as deep down I am emotional.  I just gotta repeat the mantra and push past it.
Not only is there $200 on the line (biggest loser competition) but my health is on the line.  A better body and outlook is on the line.

What do you struggle with, or have found to derail you, when it comes to your health goals?
I'd love to hear yours.
And remember - it's a new week.
Let's own this.

Thanks for reading.

Nichole
~Be The Thermostat, Not The Thermometer~

Today is the last day

Yesterday, a group of friends (and some of their spouses) accepted an 8 week biggest loser challenge with me.

Many of us, if not all of us, have struggled with our weight in some way.  Some of us were skinny for the longest time, and just got a little padding around the 6-pack.  There are others who were always bigger, lost weight and are continuing their journey.

Each of our stories is unique.  No matter our paths behind us, for the next 8 weeks we share a path together moving forward.  We all share the same goal: get healthy.  Our reasons vary: weddings, kids, general health.

As each weight came into my inbox, I heard the same sentiment over and over again:
"UGH" "GROSS" "BLECK"
(Mine was a heavy sigh, as I had noted my neglect for the last few weeks had found their way back to the scale).

And to each of them, I said the same thing:
"This is the last day you will see that number."
I told myself, and my weight watchers leader, the same thing: "This is the last time I will be this heavy.  Ever."

This morning, after brushing my teeth quietly and throwing on my obnoxiously loud-orange sweatshirt, I repeated it again:
"Nichole.  This is the last time you'll be this heavy.  This is the last time you'll look in the mirror and think, what in the world happened.

This is the last time you'll be this young.  You need to take advantage of every minute of this day - there are some not as lucky as you to have this time.  It is precious and needs to be treated with care.

This is the last time you'll beat yourself up.  Your double chin will fade, but the wrinkles are still coming.  Be thankful those gray hairs have not made their appreance.

This is the last time you'll have a beautiful baby girl who is 955 days old and a handsome baby boy who is 372 days.  Tomorrow they will be 956 days and 373 days old.  They are only going to get older.  Enjoy these days.

This is the last time."


I would be lying if I said "this is the last time I would be negative" or "this is the last time I'll feel this tired" ... I am an emotional woman with two very young children (ha, ha, ha).

What I want to take from this, and what I hope you take from this, is that whatever worry you may have today.  Whatever frustration that made you want to pull your hair out (a few things definitely pushed me over the edge today).  Whatever mess up you may have endured (eating that extra slice of pizza versus more veggies).  Whoever stole you thunder and put you in a sour mood (shame on them).

Today is the last day you'll do that.  Today is the last day that person will poison your thoughts (okay, this may take a few days - but you should try your best to rid yourself of that negative influence).

I'm not trying to preach YOLO (more like YO-BARF).  But seriously guys - Carpe Diem.  Seize This Day.  Embrace your flaws and celebrate your strengths.  If you want to change something, do it now.  Tomorrow is never going to come ... as tomorrow always becomes today.

Today is the last day.

Thanks for reading.

Nichole
~Be The Thermostat, Not The Thermometer~

Nikki In Progress 2.0 Experiment: Update

I hope everyone is doing well!

Last week I posted my goals in what I had hoped to accomplish with my weight loss journey.  As promised, I wanted to give you an update on how I did on my daily goals.  My weekly goal update will be next week ...

I had set three daily goals to hit.
The first, was to drink my weight in water daily.
I'll be frank - this one sucked (lol).

While I felt very hydrated, and made frequent trips to the bathroom - after my 4th bottle (each bottle is 4 glasses), I felt put off.  I understand if you were less weight (i.e. 120 lbs) how this might be more obtainable.  I did hit my goal twice in the last 7 days.  What I am taking from this, is that drinking water is important ... but it's baloney to drink in such excess.  I will stick to my 8-12 glasses a day!

The second goal was to eat like a King for breakfast, a Queen for lunch, and a Pauper for dinner.
I did okay for the first few days.  Then I derailed.  I am actually going to adopt this goal again for the next week, because I found the days I adapted to this, I felt 100 times better.  My body likes to be fueled in the morning.

Finally, my third goal was to have one cup of green tea a day.
Perhaps because of my excessive water consumption, I was not hitting this goal.  I loved the taste of my green tea though, when I did drink it.


Conclusion: Try again (ha, ha, ha).  Seriously though - the water goal was obnoxious.  In theory it seems good, but by day 3 I was over it.

For this upcoming week - I plan on just doing two goals.  The goals are the same as I tried to hit last week, but I'm hoping to do better:

1) King / Queen / Pauper
2) Green Tea

We are also starting a biggest loser competition this week ... I'm hoping between that and my goals that I stay on track.

Thanks for reading!

Nichole
~Be The Thermostat, Not The Thermometer~

The Nikki Fu Expriment: Goals

Hello my awesome readers!

Tomorrow I begin ... again!  I am pushing the reset button (1 week before a biggest loser competition begins).  Since I am making this apart of a blog series, I wanted to list out the first series of "goals" I have for myself. 

It's all apart of the experiment!

I hope to take popular tips, etc. and apply them to my program.  I'll report back on what's working and not working.  Hopefully I'll learn some new things, and help show to others what can work (and what doesn't!)

I am breaking it down by daily, weekly and monthly.
Just a couple under each bracket.  The daily I'll keep for a week, weekly I'll keep for two weeks and then the monthly I'll review on a monthly basis.

I look forward to seeing what works for me, what may work for you, and what doesn't work (for any of us!)

Here is the first set:

Daily

1)  Drink my weight in water.  (I already aim to drink 8 glasses of day ... but I have seen a tip that whatever you weigh, you should drink that amount in ounces.  I know there is a risk for drinking too much water - but that's if you hold it, never pee, drink all at once, etc.  So I plan on drinking it over the course of the entire day.  And peeing often!)

2)  Eat in this order: King, Queen, Pauper.  (The idea behind this, is that you eat your biggest meal for Breakfast, a moderate meal for Lunch, and a smallish meal for Dinner.  I can understand the logic behind this, because you burn more calories when you're awake.  It may prove to be difficult with my family, but I am hoping to stick it out a week to see how it goes!)

3)  Have one cup of green tea a day.  (The green tea is supposed to help boost my metabolism.  I'm hoping by having a cup a day, aka the afternoon pick up, it will help me wean off of soda as well!).

Weekly

1)  Do 30 minutes of cardio, 5 times a week PLUS 2 days of weight lifting/resistance training.  (This shouldn't be super terrible - but I'm slacking as of late.  So this may be the kick in the butt I need to get moving again!)

2)  Have a meatless dinner once a week.  (My husband is NOT thrilled with this one.  He loves meat ... steak, chicken, whatever.  Yet I have read so many tips and posts about going meatless one day is not only good for your body - but good for the environment!  So I am hoping to win him over with some bean dishes, or quinoa!)

3)  Read from a non-school related book 3x a week.  (This falls under the "make me" category.  I am going to be swimming hard with school, Relay, work, and life in general.  This does not mean I should stay up until midnight reading books, and sacrificing sleep.  But it means that maybe I call it quits early one night from school, and spend that last hour reading more smut from E L James!)

Monthly

1)  Get to the doctors for a wellness check up.  (This one may be more difficult if we run into hiccups under Josh's medical.  Yet from what we've gathered, we're all good.  So the goal is to see a doctor for a general wellness check up, along with a dentist *which I know won't be good report, ha ha* and a dermatologist *having my best friend as a melanoma survivor, this is UBER important that I get checked*  I know that while I'm trying to improve my body on my own, I need to have a doctor check me out too.)

 2)  Get a date night in.  (Being healthy is more than just a "me" thing.  It's more than getting physical exercise ... or seeing a doctor ... or drinking a crap ton of water.  It's about having healthy relationships.  My marriage needs to be healthy, especially during these crazy times.  I must remember that us time is just as important as me time.  One date night per month, per some advice read, is perfect to help keep sanity in the marriage.)

So there it is!

My goals for the next month.  I look forward reporting back a week from today on how the daily ones went, and how I'm doing on my other ones.

Do you have any tips that you've heard?  Leave them in the comments below!  Maybe I'll add them in my next round.



Thanks for reading, and keep your eyes peeled for updates!

Nichole
Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

Time to Buckle Up!

Ladies and Gentlemen ... this is your captain speaking ...

Thank you for following the blog Nikki In Progress 2.0.

It has been a pleasure so far serving you, with fun stories and from the heart thoughts.

We're about to take off on our next trip, but before we do we want to go through a few annoucements:

Over the next few months, Nichole will be managing a full schedule.  Her focus will be on family, school, work, Relay and fitness.  Blog posts will reflect these major areas.

Nichole wants to apologize in advance to her friends, and some parts of her family.  Her schedule is going to be pretty tight and there won't be a whole lot of free time.

Nichole also would like to remind everyone that she only wants positive influences in her life.  While haters may indeed be her motivators, sour attitudes and those who only bring drama to her life will be handed a parachute and be asked to exit the aircraft.

From time to time, we may need to land the aircraft and refuel.  This is important to help make the distance in our journey.

In the event of an emergency, cell phones and email may be used to reach out to close friends and family for support and advice.  Your computer cannot be used as a flotation device.

In board snacks and beverages will be served on this flight, and it is encouraged to indulge.  Especially on the beverage part.

As your captain, I thank you again for choosing Nikki In Progress 2.0 as your blog of choice.  We hope you enjoy the flight, and we'll see you in December.

School starts tomorrow.
Relay is beginning to pick up speed.
Work is gearing up for some major projects.
My next 5K is in a few weeks.

Time to get my game face on.

"Rabbit, put your game face on."

Finding your passion

No - not this kind of Passions!

 

It's important to be passionate about something.

 

Whether it's a cause ... a hobby ... or a goal.

 

Some people are passionate about their family.  Their spouse.  Their job.

 

I attended my first Relay For Life committee meeting last night, as co-event chair.  It was exciting to be in a room with people who are just as passionate about the cause as I am.  There was hugs, and laughter.  We're more than just volunteers for this great cause.  We're even more than friends.  We're a Relay Family.

I wanted to share with my readers my passion.
My passion for a great cause, which is Relay For Life.  My passion for my kids.  My education.  And my fitness.  As cheesy as it sounds, I wanted to share the passion I have for my husband.

I know - "gag me".  Ha, ha, ha!

 

I think it's important to have a passion for something.  For me, it personally helps motivate and drive me.  I'm an emotional person (deep down), which can sometimes derail me on my path towards the ultimate goal.  People's words and actions cut me deeper than they know.  It is my passion that saves me, and puts me back on track.  Which is why I think I have such a passion for my kids and husband.  They help me pick up the pieces and get back on track.  This includes Relay and my Education.

 

My passion, from what I've been told, is infectious.  Like my smile (yes, I take pride in my "eye disappearing" smile), most people get inspired hearing me talk about my ambitious goals.

 

For example, this years Relay, I have my initial personal goal set at $750 - but I'm striving to be a Grand Club member this year ($1000).

As a Co-Event Chair for my relay, I also have big goals for my event.  I want to bring in as many vendors as possible to make our event fun and inviting ... thus turning into a successful event!  

 

I also am excited for my school year.  Hopefully, I will be done with my AA by the end of the summer ... of course, this may push from being a full summer quarter, into a full fall quarter.  I am meeting with my counselor at the end of this quarter to look into what needs to be finalized for my application to Washington State, but it is my passion to continue my education that is helping me move forward.

 

I have actually begun looking at new goals for what I can do to combine both of my passions - raising money for a great cause, and providing for my family.  I hope to look into non-profits after receiving my 4 year degree to see how I can combine my passions.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the company I work for.  I am just not passionate about my current job.  It's nice, pays the bills.  I strive for more, though.

 

I also want to provide the best life I can for my husband and children.  Providing the best life isn't necessarily marked by how much I bring home financially.  Instead, I want my children to laugh a lot.  I want them to be able to express their feelings without feeling scared or ashamed.  I want them to treat others as they want to be treated.  I want to provide them the life that I was given - a life that isn't always easy, but it's worth it.  I also want them to explore their own passions (which will change multiple times as they grow older and learn new things, which is okay).  I also want them to know that as their mother, I am always here for them.  And as their father, Josh will also be there for them.  As individuals, and as a unit - we strive to be the best parents we can be.

 

To be the best parents we can be, that also means being passionate in our marriage.  Before having kids, we made a promise to ourselves not to put our relationship on the back burner.  To ensure our marriage is also healthy, we go on date nights.  We hug often.  We kiss often.  We talk through our feelings, though some days its easier said than done.  Josh and I also laugh together, a lot.  Laughter is sometimes the only way we can get through some things. Thank goodness for laughter.  I am grateful that I have a partner in life that is passionate and supportive.  Josh and I believe in each other, and I think that is why our marriage has been successful (considering how long we have been married, and how young we were when we got together).

Now it's your turn!
What is your passion?  Is it for a cause, or your own goals?  Or maybe just as something a little as "passionate about getting a walk in every day".

Whatever your passion may be, please share!

Thanks for reading!

Nichole
Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

P.S. - if you would like to check out my relay page, please click here!

The Nikki Fu Experiment - A Preview!

I left before vacation talking about a preview of September.  Part of it was going into a little more detail about my first blog series!

Well, I'd like to give you a preview regarding a series of blogs over the next few weeks.

I call it ...

The Nikki Fu Experiment!

Yes, that is me.  Halloween 2008.  One of the best (and worst) pictures of me.  Ever.

Let me be honest for a moment.

I am over weight.  I'm not "a little chubby" or "needing to lost a few pounds".  No, I could qualify to be on the biggest loser.  I am a classic case of a yo-yo dieter.  I would do something, lose a bunch of weight, gain weight back.  The cycle is vicious.  I have been within 30 pounds of my "ultimate goal weight" and well above my heaviest (where I'm teetering at now).  I give myself a little more grace now, because of having two babies within two years.

JJ, however, turns 1 next week.  Rachel is now 2 and 1/2.  The execuses and grace period is coming to an end.  Now is the time to act, before my metabolism gets any worse (and science shows, the older I get ... the worse it's only going to get).

My experiment, is to explore healthy living, diet and exercise tips.   Set goals to incorporate these ideas into my routine (daily / weekly / monthly) and see how I succeed.  The ones that work, stay.  The ones that flop, go.

It sounds sad - but this is not my first rodeo going on this adventure.  I just hate being unhealthy like this.  Sure I'm active and running, but even then that has taken the back seat over the last month.   I have a 5K this Saturday that I am not fully prepared for (thankfully it's a fun run, and it's not meant to be taken too seriously).

I'm ready for a full on, life style overhaul.  I tried to challenge myself this summer.  I joined Weight Watchers again.  I did an Insanity Challenge.  It helped, and I lost weight.  Over these last few weeks though, it's like I'm letting myself slip.

Tonight I say: No More.

Tomorrow I say: Bring It.

While my experiment won't kick off until next week, I wanted to share with you what you'll be expecting in the next few months!  I will share with you my progress ... my slip ups ... and all my victories.  I'll be tracking my numbers, and will share them with you as my journey moves forward.

Before Monday you'll see a post regarding what my first goals will be (Daily / Weekly / Monthly goals), plus my plan.  I do plan on reconnecting with My Fitness Pal account (find me here).  I also plan on going back to WW (it's a great system/plan.  I want to follow through on it).  Plus an array of other things, that I will detail out better later on.

Many of my family and friends either have, or currently are, struggling with their weight.  Some are struggling with being fit and active.  And others are just struggling to be healthy.  My hope is that this series will show what tips are realistic and can work ... and what silly ideas should be just left alone.  I'm also hoping I can inspire others in taking steps to be healthier for themselves.  Stay tuned in the next few days for more!

Thanks for reading.

Vacation Hangover!

Do you ever feel like you need a vacation after your vacation has already ended?

Yup.
You are suffering from a vacation hangover.

Sure, part of the want for another vacation so quickly is going back to work ... responsibilities ... life in general ...

But lets face it.  Your vacation flew by, and here you are.  Back on the plane, to return to your regular life.

This is where I'm at today.

My vacation was fantastic.  Filled with shows ... pool side lounging ... and of course, drinking.  We were in Vegas, after all.

Can I go back, please?

Yet, here I am.  Drained.

 

I relaxed.

I didn't rush things.

Why am I so drained??

I'm hungover.  From my vacation.

 

That's all it really boils down to.  It's not a terrible thing.  Smells and certain songs immediately transport me back to the gambling floor of the MGM, or into the Flamingo Restaurant where we frequented for Breakfast.

 

I'm glad to be home.  I'm glad to have my kids ... my friends ... my family ... my life.  Even work - kind of.

 

Okay, maybe not true about work.  My co-workers, though, is what I'm glad to be back to.

   

Vegas is my escape.  An escape that I crave and look forward to every couple of years.  In a city nicknamed "Sin City", I find peace and a calm there that I forget about here at home.

 

I think this "vacation hangover" is a reminder that I need to balance my life a little better, so I don't overdo it when the big vacations do come around.  Maybe cook a little more elaborate meals ... or have a glass of wine with dinner more often ... something to break the "norm".

I'd say take more baths.  But I have kids.  Toddlers.  Me taking a bath won't happen for another 18 years.

 

I promise myself that I will indulge a little more in my daily life.  Even the smallest of things will make a great impact.  I may not be returning to Vegas anytime soon, but it doesn't mean my vacation high has to fully go away.

I may need to remind myself of this many times, especially as life is about to get a little crazier ...

Thanks for reading.

Nikki
Be The Thermostat - Not The Thermometer

  

You are amazing

I would like to apologize in advance.

I haven't posted a whole lot in the last few days.  I've been in a weird place, emotionally.

It started with a memorial on Thursday ... followed by a series of events Friday ... and here we are.

It's weird, really.  I think a lot of people right now are going through stuff.  It's just weird, because I shouldn't (in my mind) be feeling this way.  At least for this long.

I feel like I should write this, at a minimum, until I can sort out these thoughts and put something together that's not completely random.

Be true to yourself.  Let no ones opinions or judgements sway or change your ways.
Who you are, is what makes you special.  You will not be able to be friends with everyone.  Not everyone will appreciate or understand you.  And as long as they don't try to bring you down or take away from your life, it's okay for them not to try to put in the effort to be better with you.
People are going to hurt you.  People close to you, that you never thought would, are going to let you down.  People that you never expected will also surprise you.  They will comfort you in times of darkness, and relight your fire.
You are the one who makes the choice on how react to what you've been dealt: Do you change who you are?  Do you retreat and suffer alone?  Do you flip the bird and move on?
As long as you are okay with what decisions you've made, no decision is a wrong decision.  Deep down though, you should remember and realize that changing who YOU are is not the answer.

You're human.  You're allowed to cry ... scream ... get mad ... and be sad.  You're allowed to go through depressed stages and want to cut yourself off from the world.  You're allowed to get more loud and let everyone know that you're not going to take it lying down.

You are just perfect the way you are.

I appreciate, and respect, each and every one of you.  Thank you for enriching my life, and I hope I have done the same for you.